The Art of the Facebook Friend Request

The (Lost?) Art of the Facebook Friend Request

The Facebook Friend Request seems to have become a bit of a lost art. I can’t count the number of times people have requested me without sending me a message or telling me why it is that they friended me. So annoying! I mean, lets put it this way - when you send a friend request to someone without a message attached, its like walking up to someone in a social setting and then not saying anything. Um, awkward! Thankfully, I’ve found a way to deal with the awkwardness by getting the conversation started with my own friend request video but that’s a topic for another day.

In the video below, allow me to demonstrate how NOT to send your friend requests. Ridiculous!

So now that you understand how NOT to network on Facebook. Lets hit a few of the factors that are *MUSTS* when it comes to sending friend requests and making connections online.

The Must-Dos of a Facebook Friend Request

add to friends 296x300 The Art of the Facebook Friend Request

1. Attach a message to the friend request itself . Include why you want to be friends, or where you found this person or why you were intrigued.

2. If you found the person through content somewhere on the web - leave a comment there.

3. Send a personal message to their inbox with similar content to your friend request message.

You’re going to notice that you get a much higher response rate on your friend requests. Not only will more people accept them, they will do it faster, and you will learn more about this person and create a stronger link with them. By interacting with people immediately after connecting with them, you automatically distinguish yourself above the 80-90% of people who say nothing at all! This is such an easy way to become memorable!

Bonus Tips for Connecting

1. Show genuine interest. Take a minute to peruse their profile, find something in common with them or something about them that intrigues you. For instance, People always enjoy it when you acknowledge that you can learn from each other. Think about this, who do you enjoy talking to most? Someone who shares in the conversation and allows you to speak - or someone who spends all their time talking at you? People love having the opportunity to talk and express themselves.

2. Ask a question. What better way to interact or get people to talk than to ask a question! Just by checking out someone’s profile and seeing the conversations they have or what they have posted in their interests will give you a really good feel for what they are passionate about. When you ask a question at the end of your first message, gear it towards something you know is central to their life. Then, let them do the talking icon wink The Art of the Facebook Friend Request

3. Talk less about yourself, and gear the conversation towards them. This includes no personal links or website promotion! Trust me, people will ask YOU about what you do, and then that is your opportunity to drop a link. Never EVER do this straight out of the gate. People will believe from then on out that you are more interested in business than a personal relationship and that’s difficult to recover from.

Here’s an example of what I would have sent Cory when I first met him:

Cory FB Friend Request The Art of the Facebook Friend Request

What are some of your best practices when it comes to sending your friend requests or making your initial connection with people online?

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Avram is a daily video blogger who is here to show you how to make your own breakthroughs in video blogging. You can see Avram do something NEW everyday at InspirACTION.

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  • Tracy Allen

    Lol!!! “Walking up to someone in a social setting and saying nothing”! I had the visual when you said that! Lol! I always send a message but, I find so many people don’t even say, “Thank you” for the connection or the message! *sigh* So sad! Great info Av!

    • Avram

      Haha, I’m glad you enjoy the metaphor :) We do our best to make the connection. Sometimes I drop the ball but I know that this is always a good place to start things off at a good clip.

  • Yo Le


    You took the gosh darn words right out of my mouth dude! :)

    This is definitely one of my pet peeves and is therefore the reason why I have soooo many pending friend requests right now.

    Continue to Rock!

    - Yo

    • Avram

      Its hard when you get 10-20 requests in a day to filter through all the junk and get to know people! Much easier when people give you something to begin the conversation with!

      Thanks Yo

  • Anonymous

    Awesome tips. Unfortunately this is a common problem with so many facebook users. Thanks for the video bro. You are awesome.

    • Avram

      I think we’ve all been guilty of this before. I remember when it was brought to my attention I didn’t even realize how much more powerful I could make connections by starting the conversation. I also read the book - How to Win Friends and Influence People, and that drastically changed the way I interacted with people on here forever.

  • Kelvin Thom

    I couldn’t agree more with your video.

  • Mandee Widrick

    I’ve gotten so I don’t even accept friend requests from people who don’t include a message. The only way they get through is if I recognize that we have many mutual friends (like for example, if I know they’re a member of the 24/7 Online Networking Party, I usually accept). Otherwise, I just ignore.

    By the way, I never forgot your welcome video Avram - it was awesome, and you were the first one who had ever done that after adding me.

    • Avram

      Hehe, people sit in friend add purgatory for a while sometimes!

      Thanks for the compliment Mandee :) And, as you probably remember as well, I was so impressed with YOUR video with the goat in it that it is now posted as a fantastic example on my “Friend Video” post that I linked up there ^


    I have 82 pending friend requests in my facebook account. I’m only planning on accepting the people who sent me personal messages, whose name looks familiar from groups, or those who catch my eye online. Everyone else can sit in the pending box. I plan on filling up at 5,000 friends within the next 18 months, and I want those to be the 5,000 best possible friends. Sometimes I’ll go on an adding spree and bring all of those non-shady friend request into my network, but with a very watchful eye. When it comes down to it, send a message with your request, so I know who the heck you are, so that I can simply put you into a list, and know how we can be friends. I don’t want to be cleaning up SPAM in the morning for accepting the wrong crowd, or the automated crowd.

  • Melanie Kissell

    I know you can’t see my hands clapping, Avram, so just let me say Applause! Applause!

    Let’s face the music … people are always looking for an “easy out”, an “easy fix”, an easy peasy way to add friends to their social media rosters. I could have said, “lazy”, but that wouldn’t have been polite. :)

    There’s no such thing as push-button friendship.

    I’m past a half a hundred, been around the block a few times, and I’m more than aware of what it takes to build relationships — and that includes social media relationships and those with my target audience.

    The points and tips you’ve highlighted in your video get two thumbs up from me!

  • Anonymous

    Try to have fun with your friends by showing them many friend requests, chat onlines, and notifications. :)

    I got the idea on this web source:

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