Last three of the 11 Strategies for Confidence and Self-Esteem
Posted by Kate Bowditch on Jan 1st, 2016
Video Series: 11 Strategies for Confidence and Self-Esteem
Strategies #9, #10 and #11 of 11.
If you don’t “have it”—what can you do? Do you have to spend your life in the anxiety and foreboding that accompanies lack of confidence and low self esteem?
No, you don’t.
You have the right and the expectation to become a confident, admired person who moves with ease through the wide variety of life’s situations.
Once confidence has been stepped on, knocked down, or ridiculed in life, I know it is hard to rebuild it on a permanent basis. It takes care and maintenance for it to grow and flourish.
Let it flourish. Care for it, though it may be fragile for a while.
In my professional life, first as a teacher of the very, very young and later as a therapist for adults, I have been able to learn the way of confidence. This is the most important thing I learned: All babies are born with it. They have huge egos and massive confidence.
Think of that! You were born with a big attitude and a big voice.
Some of us got sort of stepped on along the way, though. Our voices were shut down, our “attitude” stuffed into a little box where no one would see it.
Instead, we were taught about “arrogance,” “selfishness,” who was “the boss around here” and more… In this, there is a lesson worth learning:
Confidence and Self Esteem are affected by the outside world.
Confidence and Self Esteem grow from within, where they began.
Here is a quick review:
- You have spent some time observing confident people.
You have cut WAY back on the words “but” and “I”. You have begun to see other people in a more favorable light.
- You sing your Mantra to respect yourself:
“I am enough.”
“I am kind.”
“I respect myself and all other people.”
“I am at ease with myself.”
- You have modified your overall body language. You notice the way that feels!
- You have changed your Self-Talk to be positive and complimentary.
- You have dropped “I already know that” from your language and have been delighted at Learning Something New.
- You are Relaxing more and more.
- You have been expanding your Comfort Zone.
- You have begun to edge away from your Negative Friends.
Confidence and Self Esteem can be beefed up! Just like your muscles in the Gym–given some exercise, they get stronger! The stronger your Confidence, the more able you are to fend off the attacks upon it.
You are cranking up your Confidence for the long haul in both your personal and professional life.
Learn and practice these following strategies. Build upon the first ones in the previous posts.
Upgrade Your Self Image
In my city, all the hair stylists, manicurists, and cut-rate clothing stores get together once a year and donate their services for one day to the Homeless Women’s Shelter in town.
When I first heard of that, years ago, I thought to myself, “So? You get a haircut and then what?”
The truth is that, with a haircut and nails, and a new outfit, these women are suddenly able to see themselves in a new way.
I was stunned when I read the statistics of how many become employed within a week of this day. Every year.
With a haircut, new grooming and a new outfit, years of seeing themselves as failures melt away. Transformations occur.
Believe it or not, to boost your own self-esteem and confidence, stand in front of a full length mirror, in your clothes.
Cast a “What Not to Wear” eye at yourself. This is not the time to worry about weight or height or whether you look like Aunt Masie….Take a look at your image.
How do others see you? Are you a bit out of style, hair in a make-do mode? How are your shoes?
If you met yourself, based only upon what you look like, would you stop and say hello? Would you want to hang out with you?
I remember once, in a particularly dark time in my early 20’s, a man walked up to me on the street and said angrily, “Are you a man or a woman??”
I almost fell over. He was right, though— I was so inside myself that I had lost all sense of myself being seen from the outside. It began a turn-around in clothing that helped me get out of the terrible funk I was in!
It may be time to take a long, hard look at these things.
Yes, it’s only the outside. However, that’s all that others can get of you at first–and their reactions to you, based upon that information, will inform your confidence!
I got rid of all my beloved T-shirts when I realized that I don’t look good in them. I have a short neck and, shall we say, I’m ample. I need a V-neck to look good.
So, this is for you:
What are your best colors? If needed, ask a close friend. Wear only your best colors all week.
What size do you wear now…really? Lose the too-smalls and the way-bigs!
(OK , you can keep the huge fuzzy bathrobe…. I get that. But you are to be out of it within 45 minutes of getting out of bed unless you have the flu.)
How are your shoes? Time for new ones? I’ve grown to hate shoes…I prefer my flip-flops, even in rainy weather. Am I going to go to the Bank, as a known businessperson in town, in my flips? Nope! Or a professional meeting? Nope!
I know I feel crisp and professional in my “business shoes,” and steady on my feet and ready for it all in my (new, twice a year) sneakers.
How are your undergarments? Do they do their job well? That can make a huge difference!
How is your hair? Is the teen ponytail really good on you? Really?
How often to you wash and condition? How often to you get a trim or a rinse at a salon…. or even with a friend in the kitchen? Think about it.
Work on your image for the week, and next week we will be at your last big challenge.
For the video for Strategy #9, GO HERE.
Let Go of the Past.
“Letting go of the past” is one of the big, bad, uglies in the confidence business. We all know that we can’t just open the window and pitch the past out. Wish you could?
If you did that, though, you would be pitching out valuable information and experiences that have formed who you are right now.
You would be standing at the window, with no memory of
- your strength to survive
- your determination not to let someone else’s opinion of you create your reality
- your resilience
So it’s not really your PAST that you are letting go of. It’s more about what you have carried in your heart related to those events.
“Letting go of the past” is really about letting go of
- the shame
- the weight (or burden)
- the guilt of being angry at yourself for not being the person you wanted to be….and
- the anger for not having had the parents (or family members, or community….) that you felt you needed.
Hoarding the best of the past is a good thing–don’t let go of that! (I heard once, “You’re never too old to have a happy childhood!”)
Lessons are important and are usually tied to our past. We (ALL of us) have had bad things happen that affected our lives and changed how we see the world.
You can forgive yourself for not being strong enough, or wise enough to have stopped it all. Yes, it is YOU that you must forgive–Forgive that YOU that was so young, so ill informed, so desperately unhappy, so clueless…
You can walk away from those who have hurt you. Leave them all in the past, where they belong.
To forgive your younger self and walk away is a great boost to your vision of who you are and who you want to become.
This “Strategy #10” is one of the big ones, I agree. It can be hard to do. You can get help along the way by calling me at: 425-783-0337 no matter where you are. Let’s talk.
For more information about rebuilding your self-confidence or more: Go Here.
Life can be great! Kate
WOW! This is the 11th of 11 tips to build your self-confidence and self -esteem.
Now is the time to tell others about what you have been doing.
Send them the link to this blog. Talk it up at work or school. Let others know the places that were hard to do, and tell them how you did them anyway.
Tell others the benefits you have gained from doing this work.
By letting others know, you are giving value to the work you have been doing for yourself.
You have come see yourself as valuable.
Self-Value = Self-Worth = Self-Esteem
That rolls up into a big, wonderful ball of Self-Confidence.
You have become the authority on YOU.
You become the authority on your Self, on your confidence, and on how to build your confidence. You become the example. You are showing others it is possible.
To your ever growing Self! Now I’m recommending you visit my other blog, where I have just written a piece on Oprah Winfrey and what she says are the important aspects of success (and they aren’t what you might think!) That link is HERE.
For help in your quest for self confidence, or if you have gotten stuck somewhere, call me at: 425-783-0337 and we will see how I can help you.
Kate,a.k.a. Grandma’s in the House!
(Kate Bowditch, MA, LMHC)
P.S., The Video for Strategy # 11 is right Here.
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